cassiopeia constellation-

Friday, June 23, 2006

Hi everyone.I couldn't post a lot was on a two
week holiday.I...can't stand it anymore.Everyone
expects me to be the mad,crazy girl who seems
like she's just going to pop her head round the
corner and laugh insanely.not anymore.I'm sick
of being the center of everyone's jokes.Well yeah,
There was a point when something happened,and I
realised that there was no use in doing what others
were doing.You know.Like putting on small skirts and
prancing around,giggling,while with your friends
or something,either shopping or watching a movie...
I was enough of all that plastic crap.So I changed.
I became sort of an outcast.I held to it.I didn't have
to care about what others thought about me.But...
recently I realised how awful it is.Not to be an outcast.
But to those kind of girls,perfect in every way,to others..
but inside.they're broken.its the worst feeling you could
possibly have on earth.I'm in no position to comment,
having never been one of THEM before.But you can
just imagine it,everyone laughing and giggling happily
around you,while inside,you feel torn apart.Looking at
their happy faces can just about make anyone snap.
Which is close to the thing that happened to me.I wasn't
popular...but there was a stage when I just couldn't take it
anymore.Everyone seemed so damn happy...and so...
I just felt worse.After reading some of my friend's blogs...
I realised that sometimes,people just need to be alone.
To lock themselves in their rooms,to throw everything around,
to cry to themselves.Sometimes the best thing to do is just that.
But some people just DON'T get it.They burst into your
quiet sanctuary,probing you with questions even when you
just don't even feel like speaking.And then there are those who
insist on telling you to GET OVER IT.I hate it when people do
that.It makes me feel even worse.For example...you fail a major
exam.And people around you,who have obviously gotten better
marks,judging by their behaviour,pat you on the back and tell you
that its okay and that you'll do better next time...those are the words
that make me feel awful.You can tell they don't mean it.They're
oviously more caught up in screaming their happiness to their
other friends instead of truly comforting you with honest words,
instead of fake ones.They think that you'll feel better,they'll
tell you to smile,get over it...but they just don't understand.
They may have never even been in the same position before.
Yeah,so they may tell you that,"Oh,don't worry.try harder next time.
It's what I did before.And look,I'm doing better now."That is the worst
of all.It makes you feel so degraded.Just because you've been in
the same predicament...doesn't mean you feel the same way,
You're not the same person.And it sucks when these kind of fake
smiles and remarks pop out.The only thing to do,at that point,
is to keep quiet,plaster on a fake smile,and excuse yourself...
giving yourself time to run off into a secluded corner to just
sob your heart out.Which is why,those who understand,the
people who truly,understand you,they'll tell everyone to just
go away,leave her alone.Those are the best friends you'll
probably ever have,So I'd like to thank you all.But from now on.
I'm not going to keep smiling and laughing everyday.I'm sick
of living a lie.Speech is silver...while silence...is golden.

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